I walked through my bedroom and into the living room where I found Carrie, ashtray in hand, walking in the direction of my parent’s room. I followed her. And the scene that unfolded in front of me was forever stamped into the recesses of my mind. When I walked into the room, the first thing that I saw was my mom. She was sitting at the foot of the bed, on the corner, with a crack can up to her mouth. She was putting fire to it with the lighter she held in her other hand just as I walked in the door.
When she saw me, instead of trying to hide it, she turned away from me, still holding the can to her mouth. My dad was at the foot of the bed only a few feet from my mom, squatted down with another can on the floor in front of him. He was in the process of reloading when he looked up and saw me. He stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eye and said, “Hey, buddy. Go back to the living room and watch T. V. or somethin’. I’ll be there shortly so we can talk. O. K.?”
“O. K., Pops,” I said, “Ya’ll just be careful. O. K.?”
He nodded his head and I walked back out of the room, shutting the door behind me. As I sit here and look back on that moment, I think, maybe, I should’ve handled that situation differently. Maybe, if I would’ve stomped my feet and raised hell… Maybe, if I would’ve begged and pleaded…Maybe, if I would’ve…maybe, maybe, maybe… Maybe is a very big word with many different avenues. In reality, hindsight is always twenty-twenty. We all look back on times, or situations, in our lives and wish that we would’ve done something differently, thinking, maybe, the outcome would’ve been better, but dwelling on the past never changes anything. Maybes and ifs only exist in a fantasy world. We can only accept what is and live with the outcome of our decisions, hoping that, in the end, throughout all the trials and tribulations that we encounter, in our hearts we will find goodness.
I walked from my parent’s bedroom to the living room and sat down on the couch. After a few minutes of channel surfing, I got up and walked outside to find Danny, still sitting on the steps.
“What’s up, lil’ bro?” he said as I shut the screen door behind me.
“Not much, bro. You aight? I mean, I know you can handle yourself and all, but…you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, man, I’m good. You wanna get high? “I froze for a second.
“Naw, Bro, I’m straight. I don’t know nothin about that stuff. All I want is some weed or alcohol.”
He just busted out laughing…………But, little did I know……..